Plugging On

 Just sitting at this key-board holds a risk that I will start typing as fast as my mind is spinning and before I come up for air, I will have three pages. (The reality is then that I would never be able to hit the publish button, so I'm going to skip that outburst.) Let's just say that one of the 11 has once again thrown at us some parenting challenges that we never anticipated. Dealing with this latest issue has really made me spend time contemplating what makes me feel like a success or a failure; I'm afraid far too many of my feelings are helplessly tied to the irrational decisions that a few of my children continue to make. I will spare you with an attempt of a blogable version of my journey, but it is proving to be a challenge, both in day to day life and in minute to minute living in my mind. 

In the meantime, between appointments and brain-wracking, I am still schooling the children and tutoring at CC. 

This is our current idea of art - draw what you'd like where you'd like

Bella's green person had a sad face - I'm deciding to not over-analyze it; she is a happy girl. 

As soon as I can possibly wrap up a day of homeschooling, the school bus delivers my home-work crew. Tori is blessing us with some recorder practice each night. Check out how seriously Elijah is taking "Hot Cross Buns". 

We are having a party here on Saturday, so I took the kids out a bit this afternoon for some yard clean up time. I am still getting tomatoes! Since the temperature is dipping tonight, I picked some green ones to ripen in the kitchen windowsill in case they freeze. 

"Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. This is the true self. Every other identity is illusion." - Brennan Manning

Last New

 Against all odds, I am heading out tomorrow for a new city that I've never been to - San Francisco. It literally seems that if I plan to leave my clan, I am asking for exceptional drama. This week has plagued our family with a serious child challenge and we are just praying our way through. I heard someone talk one time on how easy it is for people to begin well and how hard it is to end well. No one walks down the aisle to get married thinking of divorce court. No one holds a tiny new baby at the hospital and imagines conflict with that child that breaks communication with the family. Adoption is also full of hope, but the reality of day to day parenting children that suffered serious neglect and abuse years before they became your child often takes a toll. I have been deep in testing and therapy to try and find hope for situations that appear quite dim to me in the hours that I'm tired and weak. For me, the lowest moments are when I start to lose hope; hope is a powerful emotion.

So, tomorrow I leave the craziness behind physically, but can not escape emotionally. I pray to return Monday with renewed vigor, ideas and hope. If you think to pray for the crew while I am away, I am quite sure that my sister would appreciate it!

I'll plan a blog post in San Francisco. 

You'll be Amazed that it's 2013 When You Read This...

I have read this adoptive Mom's blog for some time; they have a heart for the orphan. While their initial plans were to bring home two children from China, it has grown to #12 and #13 coming home soon. Her blog post today astounded me - what it wrong with people? While I wish I could say I can't imagine; I kind of can. We were met with a small sample of her experience back in 2006 by the homeschooling community that we were part of when we brought Tori home.

http://theresnoplacelikehome-family.blogspot.com/2013/10/for-goodness-sake-their-children-part-1.html

Unrelated picture - from Ethiopia

Ethiopia - Day One

 I've been home several days, but most of them have been corn-rowing hair (three of the four done) and recovering from jet-lag. We had such a wonderful trip and have so many pictures that I don't even know where to begin - so I decided to begin at the beginning. And since we saw Brooke on the first full day in Ethiopia, the beginning is also the most important story to tell. 

Here is Aunt Deb, Alei and me on our lay-over in Istanbul -

Here is Aunt Deb, my friend, Tonya, and Alei in Addis Ababa after landing and collecting our 16 suitcases. I don't know if I ever introduced my traveling companions, but it was the four of us women loose in Ethiopia with only a driver named Jimmy that didn't speak much English!
 

  
We stayed at a different guest house this time, which was right down town near the airport. This is the intersection that we could view from our balcony.

We got in during the middle of the night Wed. night/ Thurs. morning, but were up and on the road Thursday morning to Nazareth, or Adama, where Brooke's orphanage is. The scenes of Africa from the car window are always captivating.  

 

  
There is a sharp contrast between the cities along the way and the open country side.

  
Once we were in Adama, we checked in our hotel and shuffled our luggage that was orphanage and school donations. 

 Our first stop was to see Brooke. While I can't show her face, I hope to show some of the joy that she showed in seeing Alei and me return. She came running when she saw us.

I can only imagine how thrilled she was to know that Aunt Deb and friend Tonya (that we consider family) care enough about her to also make the trip to meet her. We had more challenges this time communicating with her since we did not have a full time interpreter. I brought her new toiletries, some clothes and a stuffed camel that made her face light up; somehow Alyssa found out that camels are her favorite animal.

  
After sitting a while, I asked her to show Aunt Deb and Tonya around the orphanage. It is an impressive orphanage that raises chickens for eggs and cows for milk and sells the surplus.

The girls' rooms now had lockers. Brooke even had a key to keep her things safe. I'm not showing the open picture of it because she has a photo of herself in there, but she had the family photo book Alyssa made her and things we have bought her neatly arranged. 
 

 After spending the afternoon with her and the other kids, we headed out. It wasn't difficult that day because we were coming back the very next morning. Brooke walked us out.  

 We enjoyed the sites of Adama. After spending time in three cities in Ethiopia, it is still my favorite.

We delivered the school supplies to the West Sands school. It wasn't near as fun as my previous trips since school had not started back for the new school year, but it's nice to know that when the kids show up, there will be notebooks, pencils and crayons waiting for them. 

 A group of white women attract attention where ever they go, so we spent a little time with the kids that gathered at the school gates. We talked to them and handed out Slim Jims. 

These are the only camels we saw this trip. Previously, there were several herds along the drive to Adama. 

Tomorrow I will tell about our second day in Adama and the progress I hope I accomplished in Brooke's adoption case.

The Tough Stuff

 It's been a while since I've done a "serious" post... and after today, I really should spend about three days breathing into a bag before I put anything in print. However, since the writing helps me, here I am.

I am parenting a few kids that came with baggage. I would say that I am dealing with significant challenges with four children at the moment. (To be completely fair, one of those is a biological child; so I know all too well that some of these things aren't adoption related.) On any given day, I am overwhelmed at just the thought of helping even one of them deal with the things that their young brains aren't capable of processing. The real frustration is when the child resists the help and the struggle becomes me and the child, rather than us and the problem. I have to continually remind myself that it isn't my job to "fix" them - I am just supposed to be faithful in parenting so that God can reach their hearts.

I thought I'd show some of the tools that we are currently using. I have been watching "When Love is Not Enough" DVDs while I fold laundry. It's taking me forever to get through them, but they offer practical understanding on why kids with trauma do things that they do.

JD and I are watching Shepherding a Child's Hearts at night while we rock the girls. While the information is so, so good, the delivery often puts us to sleep since it's late and we are sleep deprived anyway. If you have never read the book, I highly recommend it.

The Boy's Passage, Man's Journey is new and we haven't started it yet, but we are big Kirk Cameron fans. He is putting out some wonderful family materials these days.

I am super excited about this! It is the "at home therapy" kit by the National Center of Biblical Parenting. Our church just hosted a conference by Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller and it was the best parenting event I have ever attended. Scott also has adopted children, so it was so nice to hear someone that had that as a reference point. We came away with this kit that has 8 CDs and booklets to work through. I listened to CD number two yesterday and it was very powerful.

Here is the other pile of books we purchased at the same event. We are going to attend a Sunday night group using The Christian Parenting Handbook; the rest is in the "to be read" pile. The Family Time Activities my kids are going to love. It has hands on projects to accompany a Bible story. Some are along the lines of science experiments; I can see it making some valuable and fun family memories.

This picture was taken of Julia yesterday when I picked her up from school early so she could hang out with our visiting friends. She is doing so well in school, yet she told me today that she wants to stay home with me. I told her that she will in a year or so. That challenges me to work hard to get her past some of the difficulies she seems to have at home, but not at school.

Beyond all the parenting and therapy guides, I am also trying Essential Oils on my kids for their "troubled" areas. I will be quick to post when I see any results in any areas. I'm also going to check what they recommend for stressed Moms!

A Quote, Two Tips, and Happy News

I had to write this conversation down before I forgot it...

Last night while I was trying to make dinner and help with home-work simultaneously, Tori told me that when she grows up, she wants to be an evil scientist. I said, "really? an evil one?" She shook her head and said, "no, not evil, just a scientist." Julia chimed in, "well, when I grow up, I'm going to be a karate." Then she quickly changed it to "no, when I grow up, I want to be a Girl Scout... they have cookies." I told her I'd buy her a box of cookies and she could dream bigger for adulthood. She then said, "OK, then I can just be a karate". Tori chimed in that the Girl Scouts aren't allowed to eat all the cookies anyway, they have to "give most of them away". They all provide good entertainment!

I'd like to share two house-hold tips that are working very well. Much to my dismay, I have previously shared that we have a select number of field mice that move into our house each and every winter. Although we use almost every imaginable means to keep them out, we often see evidence of them. This year, after throwing away too much mouse-sampled food, we put everything cardboard in Rubbermaids, (other than the oatmeal and cornmeal, but that's coming too). Anyway, after initially trying cereal containers for cereal and crackers, it was too hard to make things always fit in the sizes I got, plus I was constantly re-labeling things. My brilliant discovery is these clear containers that are only $5.50 at the Dollar General by my house, (they are $8 at Walmart). I group all cereals in one, all crackers in one, all pasta in two, baking in another two, etc. What has been so wonderful is the cereal. We previously always had five to six open boxes - the kids stood them on the table, fought over who got to see the box and when the boxes frequently tipped, the cereal flew out on the floor.

Now I take out all the bags from the boxes, instantly recycle the boxes and this container holds about six bags. The whole box comes out, sits on the table, doesn't tip, no one fights over it AND it takes up far less room in the pantry and keeps longer. I'd recommend one of the these for anyone's large family cereal crises. (Of course, I'm going to get some comments about how big families are supposed to eat community oatmeal, not cold cereals, but that just hasn't worked for us yet.)

 

If it weren't for the mice, I wouldn't put all my pasta, etc, in these boxes, but it is really helpful for cereal, chips and crackers.

 

My next tip is the items I constantly have around to give back to people or return to stores. If I tucked them away, I'd forget about them entirely, so usually they were piled on the table or counter. I finally figured out to hang a little board on the back of the door and write the reminders on it. Now I check it whenever I'm on my way out the door.

And the stuff that needs to go with me waits in this big basket on our cubbie shelf near the door. It's out of sight, but not out of mind.

                                            

  Lastly, our exciting news is that our dear friends are finally in Ethiopia and have passed court for their daughter, Tigest. On our trip in November, we got to meet her and tell her that she had a family as well as show her the first pictures of them. Here I am with her and yes, I was crying....couldn't help it.

Here she is with her new Mommy and Daddy - we are so happy for all of them! As an extra blessing, they took pictures for Brooke and are going to make the trip to Nazareth to meet her and reassure her that we are still working to bring her home. It will be the first sign of hope she will have received since our visit in November.

                                                                                                     
It's such a blessing to see the little face of an orphan have such instant hope when they are told they are loved and wanted!          

Twice in One Week

After parenting children born in Africa for over six years, I will say that we have had very, very few incidents where people have been negative about our family. This week hasn't been a great week in that area, however, with yesterday's incident far more maddening than my first story.


My first tale was at Wolf Lodge. We had two friends and my sister go and help us. One of my friends was paired with Julia and when I rounded the corner near the water slides, she was standing with Julia and a Life Guard. Julia, being the usual Julia, was screaming and howling about this tiny speck of a boo-boo on her knee. The Life Guard was attempting to put a band-aid on it while Julia thrashed and carried on. I walked up, examined it and reassured Julia that it was going to be fine. The Life Guard (who apparently assumed that my friend who does resemble Julia more than me was Julia's mom) glared at me, moved her entire body to block me and continued to give my friend instructions about Julia's injury. While I am generally quick on my feet (or mouth), I stood there, rather confused at her treatment of me until she walked off. Talking to my friend, we concluded afterwards that she must have assumed that I was a noisy by-stander. I wish I had mentioned to her that I was Julia's mother.

James and Julia

Yesterday's story was far more frustrating. After battling illness all week, JD packed up Ben, Tori and Bella for the Urgent Care close to our house that our family has been to on several occasions. JD walked in, signed them in and began filling out the paperwork because these particular children had never been seen at this particular branch of Urgent Care. The receptionist interrupted JD to ask if he was the children's father; he assured her that he was. She then inquired about insurance and he gave her the information. After a bit, she came back to tell him that they wouldn't be able to treat the children unless he had adoption decrees to prove they were his kids. Now, let's be honest, if he had darker skin or all three children had lighter skin, they would never ask for an adoption decree. Furthermore, Tori has been home over six years and Ben five - who is carrying around adoption decrees at that point? JD politely told her that she did not need to see adoption decrees, but she could look at his insurance to see that the children all had his name and were listed as his dependants. At this point, the receptionist brought out a nurse, who also argued that they couldn't treat the children until they saw adoption decrees. While they stood their ground, JD asked them if they would require this if his face matched the children's better or if they were, say, Asian instead of African? ( I would have loved to ask if they were going to collect birth certificates or adoption decrees for the other children in the waiting room!) Both ladies were rather uncomfortable and fumbled for words while he told them he would have to go elsewhere, because he wasn't carrying adoption decrees and would not be producing them since their request was out of line. Only as he was leaving, did they bring out the actual on-staff doctor who was most unimpressed with their request or treatment of our family. After his profuse apologies, the nurse commented that she guessed they needed some training for these situations. You think?

Bella

I remember being aware of people's reactions to me and Tori when she first came home. At this point, I sometimes catch people staring at us in public and my first reaction is "what is their deal?" I guess that's a good thing.  

Adoption Link Up

I have decided to participate in a link-up post that is being explained on Linny's blog here - 

A Place Called Simplicity

She is featuring some adoptive families that are bringing home one child. It sounds weird to  think that we are now focusing on just bringing only one home, but that is because my two recently adoptees just came home in November. When we decided that God was calling us to a special need child in Ethiopia, we had no idea that it would result with adding three Ethiopians to our family. 

1.   Tell us a bit about the child you are adopting - including this treasure's age and name  - 

We received word that our youngest adoptee's mom passed away only days before we traveled for court in June. Once we were in Ethiopia, we were met with the surprise that Bella had a 12 year old sister that was moved into the orphanage after her mother's death. She was now a 100% orphan without even one alive relative. We went and met Beruktawit and came home to pray about how to help her. Since her most obvious need was a family, we began her adoption in July while before we even brought Selah and Bella home. Since Ethiopia requires two trips, we returned in November to bring our little girls home and spent three days with "Brooke" as well. She is very anxious to join our family and we are praying that we are able to travel for her soon!

We are not allowed to show Brooke's face until she passes court, but here we are walking together. I'm in the blue and Brooke is in the red (taller one). Our daughters Alei (18) and Alyssa  (13) also traveled with us to meet Brooke. 

This picture was her and I the first time we met in June.

What we can show is Brooke's Ethiopian sisters that just came home in November. Selah is on the left and Bella (Brooke's biological sister) is on the right. 

2.  Is the child you are adopting considered "Special Needs"?  

While Brooke's only known special needs is her age, Selah and Bella were both special needs adoptions. Due to their special needs, Selah had been waiting three years for a family and Bella had been waiting since she was born!

3.  What country or geographic area are you adopting from?

Brooke is from Ethiopia, as are Selah and Bella.

4.   Have you adopted before?

Brooke will be our 7th adoption. Along with five biological children, we adopted a foster son in 2006, three children from Liberia, West Africa in 2007 and 2008, Selah and Bella in 2012 and Brooke will bring our total to 12 children with her homecoming in the new year. 

5.   How close to travel are you?

We are planning on a trip in the spring. 

6.   Do you attend church regularly?   If so, what type of church is it?

We attend Calvary Chapel in Fredericksburg, VA and are always there (unless someone is throwing up :)

7.    Do you tithe with each pay {at least the scriptural standard of 10%}?

We are regular tithers.

8.  This week, did you participate in any way with the day of Praise, Prayer by giving praise on the link and then posting your request?

I did not participate with the day of Praise this week; since I have two new pre-schoolers, I haven't been on the computer as much and often miss things.

9.  Have you read the entire Deadbeat Dad series?  {Yes or No}  Please read it in full, so you can better understand the heart of God for stewarding the money He has graciously gifted us with. 

I did read the entire Deadbeat Dad series and whole-heartily. I think often that people hope that God will provide for orphans or their adoptions without requiring them to alter their comfort level, while in reality, God asks us to sacrifice to be able to adopt. Brooke is our 6th international adoption and the journey hasn't always been comfortable.

10. How did you hear about this Link up we are having? 

I read about this Link directly on Linny's blog before it was too late and I'm so thrilled about it!

11.  Is there anything, briefly, that you would like to share with our orphan-lovin', God-honorin', Jesus worshippin' bloggy friends reading this?

The main  thing I would like to tell people is that we are not doing what we are doing because we think we are great parents or have anything figured out. We are only adopting because we love the orphan and know that it touches the heart of God. It is only by His grace that we are able to do what we do and even on the worst day, we are confident that we are better than no family at all!

Finally, understanding that each gift received through this "Response Time" has been entrusted generously for our use from our loving Father, we promise, in the unlikely event that we would be unable to or decide not to adopt the children we are advocating for, we promise to return all of the money gifted to us as a result of this link to International Voice of the Orphan so they can, at their discretion, give to other families currently adopting.      

{Please place your initials on the line.} 
Yes, I will submit____JSF__             No, I am unable to submit to this ________

Thank you for this opportunity!

Jenny and JD

Leaving America and Arriving in Ethiopia

 I decided I would start my story telling at the beginning of our adventure to Africa. First I thought I would address the fact that we decided to take two daughters with us. Way back in 2006, we took our oldest son, Gabriel, to Liberia with us. When the next year brought two additional adoptions, we took Alei to Liberia. The next logical step would be child number three, but that is Moriah and she had no interest in going (and goes to school part-time.) We then knew that we would take Alyssa. Somewhere along the way, we thought that it would be in all of our best interest if Alei joined us as well; while she loves Africa, lets just say that she wasn't our biggest adoption cheer-leader when we started down the path to Ethiopia. Since we want all our family on board, we offered her the option of going with us. In the aftermath, we really feel that it was a plane ticket well worth the price, since it afforded her the ability to bond with Selah and Bella and to meet Brooke the year before she is able to come home.

We took 12 very full suitcases with us - over eight were items to be donated at specific places. We packed and repacked many of them up until hours before we left for the airport. JD was the final "weigher" and either our scale was off, or his technique was flawed, because eight to nine of the suitcases were over 50 pounds. One of them was 56 pounds! Since we were also carrying on backpacks of spiral notebooks that we couldn't fit into luggage, we had no buffer to shift the weight around. The man that we checked in with let them slide one by one until they were all floating down the belt bound for the aircraft. We stood and watched the person in line next to us get charged overage for the ONE suitcase that he had that weighed over. We definitely breathed a prayer of thanksgiving!

 Here we are after gathering our luggage in Ethiopia; all 12 arrived and none of them were damaged! (Another blessing since most of them were borrowed from friends!)

We arrived at the guest house about 2 a.m. and went to bed. Early the next morning we got ready to head out to claim our little girls. Selah found us before we even left the entry-way. She was pretty impressed with her new big sisters.

 She was also very happy to see her Mommy and Daddy.

When we went to find Bella, she was just playing around the corner. I got the camera ready and called her name. She looked up and started running as fast as she could to us!

FIVE months after our first visit and two-year old Bella remembered her Mom and Dad as well.

It was a blessing to have exactly half my daughters in Africa for the week. We had no idea at this point that we would also be able to spend a few days with Brooke.