Last weekend, I went on our church annual women's retreat; it has always proven to be a great time to refocus and reevaluate the path I have chosen for my life. To be honest, we bit off an enormous task to provide for and raise a dozen children. (In case that fact isn't overly obvious). While we knew it was big, it is significantly more difficult than we had thought or hoped. Many times, I review the clear vision God provided to show we were called to adopt Selah and Bella; I am thankful for the confirmation, or I might have wondered if we were over zealous and went far beyond God's will. Selah and Bella have also been the smoothest, easiest children to transition to our family which is such a blessing.
This fall has been the point which Brooke launched from the orphanage she calls home and became a University student. Coupled with the fact she is only 16 and speaks weak English, it adds a difficult layer of parenting which most people can not relate to. While we are not there for her day to day needs, we are still the only family which she has.
While it's rather obvious at this point from pictures, Ben is currently not living in our home. We found for the well being of our entire family, we needed to relocate him outside our home. This was a very difficult decision and only made after 15 months of very intensive therapy that did not seem to yield any positive results. He is living in a family, group home arrangement and attending public school. It has taken months for me to be able to tell people without cringing at hearing the words come out of my mouth. I have no idea what the future holds for Ben, but we hope this choice allows him to successfully complete high school with the extra help he requires.
The bottom line: the tough pill to swallow in this parenting journey is that my children, both adoptive and biological, have free will and have to come to terms with the person they want to be and who they want to live for. In a world which glorifies living with only yourself in mind, that line of
thinking comes without effort. I have had to deal with the reality that we have invested a life savings in our adoptions and child raising and it was still what God called us to do even if the very people we are raising resent us for it. Of course, this is the fact of the matter, not the feelings which come naturally, as I feel I have spent the last two years in the worst stage of parenting for which my almost 25 years of parenting has experienced.
So, after being home for just two days, I headed to the Boston area to spend a few days with JD while he finished his fifth ship commissioning since last month. The commissioning isn't the highlight for me, it is just the time away where we can have a conversation without being interrupted. Yesterday, we explored the Paul Revere trail in Boston - here's his family home which he lived in with his wife and children when he risked his life to make the famous ride -
Jenny
