First Week of School (and I lived to tell the tale)

 The first week of school was rather rough, primarily due to Moriah attending two classes at the high school. I have been on the road from 7 to 7:30 every morning driving her and then I only have 30 minutes to get Tori and Julia ready for school. JD should be able to resume normal work hours in about a week, and then he will relieve me of the morning run, which will make a huge difference in my mornings. Beyond the driving, it is Moriah's first experience in a class-room, which is also an adjustment. I placed her in the Honors English class and the teacher wasted no time piling on the homework; we are currently reading To Kill A Mockingbird out-loud for her class, it just happens to be one of my very favorites.

I think Tori and Julia are doing pretty well in their new classes. I'm not receiving much feed-back from either teacher yet, but I expect to as they are put in reading groups.

I decided that James and Ben are going to have to get up earlier and start working much earlier. I have been getting them up by 8, but they are seldom ready to school until 9:30. Since I'm back on the road to pick Moriah up at 10:30, there just isn't enough uninterrupted time. Starting Monday, they are going to be up by 7 and I'm expecting them to be ready for school by 8:00 when I return from the bus stop. Since they are James and Ben, I often have to remind them to get dressed, eat breakfast, do their chores, a few times each morning. I won't be doing that anymore; they are going to be ready by 8 or there won't be any privileges after school that day. I'm sure they will catch on rather quickly after a few painful days. 

Elijah and I started Handwriting Without Tears. I'm going to start him in the Hooked on Phonics first book also, because he already knows all the sounds of the letters. He loves "writing" with the sponge on the little chalk-board. 

So far, the adopting agency hasn't been able to submit Bella's packet to the Embassy because they need a letter from the Doctor explaining that a new lab is being sent to Kenya for analysis. For whatever crazy reason, the Dr. won't write the letter. So, this week I sent the clinic a request for an update and I have not heard back from them either. I really, really don't want this single piece of paper to delay the girls from coming home until November!

The End is Near

I received an email this morning that Selah's case has been submitted to the Embassy; I'm assuming that Bella's will be quick to follow. The end of waiting for them to come home is almost here; we are planning on traveling the first week of October. 

In this picture, I was talking the girls into sharing their fruit-snacks with the two little boys that arrived on the scene. (It's a tougher job to convince pre-schoolers to do anything when you don't  speak their language.)

We are coming girls...we are coming and I'll be bringing more fruit snacks for that 17 hour flight across the ocean!

First Day Photos

 Every good mother has to take first day pictures - here is Tori and Julia heading for their first day of 1st and 2nd grade. Tori's teacher warned me that she had P.E. today so she had to wear tennis shoes; Tori was pretty happy because I didn't make her wear "fancy clothes." Tori is really the only "Tom-boy" I have raised, so I'm more accustomed to the girls who want to wear dresses everyday, like Julia. I have had the hardest time getting Tori to look at the camera lately; she stands still but looks every direction other than the photographer. 

I'm pretty happy with the Lands End lunch boxes and coordinating backpacks that I bought on clearance a few years ago; I think I paid $8 or $9 for the backpack and $4 for the lunch box. Julia used hers part of last year and it washed totally clean. It is, however, floppier than Tori's crisp new one. 

Waiting for the bus-

After a quick trip to Walmart to buy lunch items and $1 clearance shorts for the orphanages in Ethiopia, we got to our first day of pre-school with Elijah and 5th grade with James and Ben. Moriah also had her first day of 9th grade, while Alyssa is on her 3rd or 4th week of Classical Conversations for the year. 

 Things were definitely quieter around here without Tori and Julia, but we have another contribution to the quieter atmosphere; Kylie is sporting her new anti-bark collar. It has been so wonderful; I had no idea a $37 purchase could be so liberating. Kylie would bark and bark, now she gets out two small ones, gets a little vibrate and promptly stops. Our only problem is that due to the fact that she isn't the brightest dog on the farm, we had to put an electric fence in for her also, so we alternate her fence collar and bark collar. At this point, she just assumes that whatever she is wearing works for both, so she hasn't run away with her bark collar yet.

Incredible Video

I hope most people are aware that there are more human slaves right now than ever before in history. Unfortunately, a great majority of them are children - many as young as five. Imagine the Kindergartners you know working 12 hours a day, seven days a week catching fish without the protection of a family, instead of learning and playing. Take a peek into that very scenario in the country of Ghana, which is right next to Liberia where my three children are from. We think of the bad scenarios of orphanages...sometimes the ones that make it into orphanages are actually the lucky ones, because so many others are sold or trafficked into the horrible existence of the child slave industry. Take a few minutes and watch this video - 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4Dwv5KbMYI&feature=youtu.be

Julia School Discussion Follow Up

I feel like I've come across rather negative lately, but that is not my intention with this post; it's just to shed a light on attachment or trauma issues that most people do not understand. The reality is that adoption is born out of some level of trauma, especially for any child that was adopted older than new-born. Amazingly, Julia was my youngest adoptee, yet by far we have definitely struggled with difficult behaviors more with her than anyone. I actually think the reality of three homes (her African home, the orphanage and us) the first year was much more traumatic than it was for my other three that were a bit older when they suffered the transitions. My struggle to help Julia led me to utilize the public school for the first time at the end of last year, not because I wanted space from her, but because I realized that the more structure she had, the better she did. 

She did fairly well this summer, until the last few weeks. I think her three weeks of summer school and our swim team routine helped her immensely. It has been the last few "free" weeks that have sent things back into a tough pattern. 

I have to make sure you realize that this isn't her all the time, sometimes she is as pleasant as can be, but the power struggles are generally incredibly irrational. Today we did about an hour straight of screaming and crying because I wouldn't pay her a dollar to swim. We had a treat stop today at the store in honor of Julia going to her Sunday school class without crying, which is only an issue when JD doesn't go with us. I only paid for Julia and Elijah's treats, since that is what allowance is for. Later, after a few hours of whining, because Julia wanted to go swimming and no one else did, I told James that if he would swim with her, I would pay for his today treat. At that point, Julia wanted to be reimbursed a dollar for her treat (that she didn't even pay for) and started demanding a dollar to go swimming. When I refused to pay her to do what she wanted, we had a rough hour of screaming and crying. She refused to let me hold her or read to her or even go swimming; just cried and cried for that dollar. 

I was actually inspired to write this post today by a comment that an online friend (that I hope doesn't mind being quoted) left me. 

I was very judgmental and anti-government school until we adopted too. Part of it was all the government involvement and lack of privacy that goes along with adopting part of it is learning to appreciate what schools have and can offer that I can't. It is good to live in a country with access to education. I'm thankful to read how you are hoping to do what best for your special needs kids as I am figure out how to do what's best for mine.

My motivation is to help others understand that I (and many like me) have been pushed to consider options that I would not have considered with my first batch of biological children and to be compassionate if you know people like me :) 

Saturday and Adoption Update

We are on our fourth weekend that JD has worked seven days a week. He is re-competing his contract and it has been the most demanding that his job has ever been. It's not been real pleasant for me either, as I don't feel like I ever get a break. Beyond just missing him, part of the challenge is that he isn't able to do the jobs he normally does, like take the garbage to the dump or mow the grass. Today the garbage is overflowing again, but it is going to require the big trailer to go to the far dump and right now, that is still out of my league. (Last dump run, I paid a friend's son to take it.)

Mowing isn't entirely out of my league, however, so this morning I decided that the kids and I would mow the grass, (it's a huge stretch to even call it grass - it is clover, weeds and dirt patches.) JD has just let Ben start cutting this year, but I took it upon myself to also train James and Alyssa and we have been rotating for the last four hours. The around the house mowing is going to have to take place tonight, once JD gets home and starts the stupid push mower that none of us have been able to start. 

More than just garbage and mowing, this work month has been hard on all of us. My kids with challenges always have more challenges when their Dad is gone too much and their mother loses patience day after day with little or no breaks. 

There are still wonderful moments that make me love life, like watching Elijah play "Days of Elijah" along with the guitarist on YouTube.

And today when I came in a moment before Julia and Elijah and glanced out the window, she was carrying Elijah because he didn't have shoes and was complaining that the rocks hurt his feet. She didn't have shoes either, but she carried him across the driveway and all the way around the parking area without a complain. Moments like that make up for so many fights between them!

We have an exciting adoption update! I received news that one of the medical tests that the Embassy requires came back inconclusive and they have to re-run the test and send it to Kenya for analysis. The second test is going to take an additional 25 days, so I wrote the Embassy and asked if they would allow the girls cases to begin processing while we wait for the test. They agreed, so our agency can turn our cases into the Embassy. That should hopefully mean that the girls will be able to travel in three to four weeks. We are probably looking at the first week of October to bring them home.

Missing Mind

My friend reminded me today of the saying on Pinterest, " My mind is missing, I think the kids stole it." That sums my last two days up well...if I had TV cameras following me, I'd have awesome ratings because people love to see casualty after casualty. I won't bore you with all the things, I'll just jump to the big one of the day; and it's OK, I expect you to laugh. I left this morning for 20 minutes to meet a friend and pick up chicken food she had bought me from the Amish. I came home to complete chaos, the most emergent was Tori having another nose bleed all over the front porch. While I tried to get it to stop, and even made a call to the nurse, I was also trying to sort out the grievances that were flying at me child after child who wanted to make sure their counterparts were dealt with justly. After all the blood, tattling and lecturing, I came in and took a few of my vitamins out of the containers and put them on the counter. Of course, I was interrupted and interrupted and interrupted until I was reminded that Magnum needed his medications, since he got neutered yesterday. I got his meds out, laid them on a different counter and told Ben to go and feed him.....You know where this is going, don't you? Sure enough, after several more interruptions, I took all three of Magnum's prescriptions instead of my vitamins. For whatever reason, it hit me the second I swallowed them and I had to call poison control. Turns out, I'm not going to die, she just told me that I may throw up due to the one but to drink a lot of liquids. I took that advice and downed two cups of water and then a big old Pepsi. Thankfully, I feel fine.

Good old Magnum, I had decided we were just going to live through all the naughty puppy behavior and he will turn into a really nice dog in about 18 months.

Then last night we discovered many "issues" like this - which isn't a real big deal since the chair is not valuable.

Here's the big deal...a really big deal; Magnum decided to snack on the new screens of the screened in porch. It looks like he is going to lose his porch privileges.

I'm looking forward to the school routine that will start next week, although I'm far from done with my "summer" work.

Blood, Sweat, Barf and Glue

I have had one of those days that is complete frantic from the beginning. I had the alarm set for 7:00 to get Magnum to the vet to be neutered. I woke up at 6:50 and was attempting to get in the shower before anyone knew I was up. On my way, Julia came in to tell me that Tori's nose was bleeding. This was one of her worst - there was a trail of blood from her bed to the kitchen with an entire puddle in the hall. It took about 15 minutes to get it to stop, while I cautioned Julia and Elijah to "get away from the blood trail" 100 times. Once I got it stopped, I had to clean the floor (thank goodness for the new hardwood floor), clean the bedroom carpet and strip her sheets; I then had exactly 15 minutes to get four kids dressed, fed and out the door for the 30 mile trip to the vet. 

I skipped the shower (and the makeup...and the hairbrush) and piled the kids and dog in the car, complete with bananas to hold them off for breakfast. On the way, I remembered that I had to have cash, so I pulled into the Sheetz ATM. While I was in there, Magnum threw up all over the seat and James. We attempted to clean the seat with napkins and set off again. Once we got Magnum dropped off (late), we rushed home in order to have a full 20 minutes to get to the elementary school open house; we had not dressed appropriately, eaten or gotten the school supplies together that I was supposed to take. I woke up Alyssa to compile and label the school supplies while I took a two minute shower and threw on whatever clothes were abandoned on the edge of the bath-tub (yet clean). 

The news is that I am sending Tori  to school with Julia for this year. In my attempt to do what I think is actually in each child's best interest, balanced with the reality that I am going to spend the majority of my fall at doctors with the new girls, it did not seem wise to try to cram in Tori's schooling. I feel like Tori has really been academically slided in the shadow of James and Ben for the last few years. I keep the boys on track 95% of the time, because they really require it for peaceful living, but Tori is not very academically motivated, yet plays nice and quietly, so there is just too much of the time that I realize she is not reaching her potential. I made a huge attempt last year to prioritize her education and she still did not receive as much of my time as she needed to excel, so I'm being realistic that if she didn't get it last year, it's not going to happen this year. Depending on how well Selah and Bella adjust, this may be the only year Tori goes to school. If she does really well, and I can get her with the 3rd grade teacher that I know and love, she may go two years. I am really not open to leaving either of them beyond 3rd grade and hope to be exclusively homeschooling again in a few years. A tough reality for me is that no one can successfully home school children that are home when the mom/teacher is not and adopting special needs preschoolers from Africa isn't going to allow me the luxury of being home a lot this fall. 

My plan for the boys is to weigh how long I am going to be at each appointment and how far I have to drive appointment by appointment to determine if they stay or go. It may be worth taking them on the highway trips so that we can listen to CDs and do drill work; other than that, there is a lot of school work they can actually do without me being present and I can go over with them when I get home. Beyond them, I have Moriah and Alyssa as home school students, although Alyssa receives a lot at Classical Conversations and Moriah is attending Algebra and Honors English at the public high-school, still listed as a homeschooler. 

I feel good about my decisions for this year, especially in light of my feelings that I wrote about HERE when I first sent Julia to school last year. 

Shopping Room

 I am driving the largest reasonable family vehicle on the market. The problem is my 15 passenger van has zero cargo room, unless you take the back seat out; and with my family size, I have to have the back seat in at all times. The shopping room answer thus far was been to move the booster kids to the back and pack the front seat or two with groceries. I don't move Elijah because it's too difficult to buckle his car seat in way back there. My new issue will be Selah and Bella will both have Elijah type car seats and there won't be near as much packing room around them all, (and they step on the food getting in and out.)

Yesterday I took only half my children on my Walmart and Commissary run. Here's the front seat  packed at the Commissary.

Seat #2 packed at Walmart - there are also bags on the floor. 

Seat #3 and 4 - Tori's seat was packed also and let me tell you, it's not exactly convenient to load and unload from the back, back seat. We had the little back cargo area filled by only two cat food bags and the stroller. I now understand why Michelle Duggar takes her vacation trailer grocery shopping. It would be much easier than packing around the kids in the van and having them step on the bread. I'm only about a month away from leaving the kids at home or shopping that way. I'm pretty sure the base police will make me pull over, open the trailer and make me answer lots of questions for security purposes before they will even let me on the base - that will be rather embarrassing. 

How do other big families do this? I'm thinking most must leave the little guys at home, but mine love to go and yesterday they were all so good for a full three hours of food shopping! (No, that isn't always the case!)

Mountain Scare

I never updated the blog to let you all know that I headed to PA with my husband, because his mother was admitted to the hospital and not doing very well. We packed and headed out of town in only about an hour on Saturday. Thankfully, Aunt Deb was back in town and already babysitting for a marriage conference we were attending at our church when we got the call to come. We headed home, threw some things in a suitcase and set out on the six hour drive to PA. All was well on the trip up, and Grandma is doing much better after strong IV antibiotics. Thankfully, they even pinpointed the root of the infection and have a plan to prevent it in the future; her immune system is still weak due to Chemo drugs. 

Our crises happened on our trip home in the mountains of West Virginia. We had on and off rain on the trip north and south and took the mountain drive to avoid the DC belt-way, as well as enjoy the pretty view. We were coming through a pass in West Virginia; it was a narrow two-lane highway, complete with a drop on my right (as a passenger) and a mountain on the left. It had been raining, but had recently stopped and the roads were still wet. Although we weren't speeding or didn't swerve, one minute we were just driving and the next minute the car was spinning. While it was all over probably in a few minutes, it seemed like an eternity and many things logged in my brain. I realized the second spin that the car was picking up speed and heading in the oncoming lane towards the mountain. I was actually praying to hit the mountain because it seemed like such a better scenario than going over the guard-rail on the cliff side of the mountain. In that few moments of complete out of control spinning, I really didn't think we were going to come out of it alive and my only thought was despair at leaving the children parent less. I remember thinking that this must be what happens that causes the little crosses you see along the roads where people die. The spinning ended when the front tire hit the small ditch about a foot from the rocks of the mountain and just stopped; I braced for the air-bag to hit me in the face and it didn't even go off. Within seconds, I realized there was a car coming straight for my door, but it swerved and went around. Before another car even came, JD got the car out of the ditch, across the street and down a bit to where there was pull-over room. We just sat there and then I sobbed; we both really didn't think we were going to live, much less walk away uninjured. We are feeling incredibly blessed today!