Adoption Complications

As a precursor to what I'm about to say, please know this only applies to our family - it is no way a judgement to what others do in building their family through adoption.

We feel rather strongly about maintaining certain birth orders in our family. We we first began foster care, Alyssa was turning three and we asked for children under her age. When we first headed to Liberia, James was turning six, so it was quite easy to claim a toddler well under his age. When we returned for Ben and Julia, only Ben broke our birth order rule and he was Tori's sibling. There was one other time in foster care that we took in an girl older than Alyssa and that was also because we already had her sister living with us. Again, I have lots of friends I know that have not maintained birth order and it was worked out fine; however, I think almost all would agree that it can be a greater challenge than bringing a new younger "baby" of the family. While I certainly am not opposed to challenges, we really feel that if a new son comes home, he needs to be Elijah's younger brother instead of older. We also feel that if a new daughter comes home, she needs to be younger than Julia and ideally, younger than Elijah as well.

This brings us to our Ethiopian challenge. I have talked to agency after agency that tells me that it isn't "doable" to adopt more than one child under the age of three; several agencies have told me that I would have to agree to adopt only one. Ethiopia, the country, is putting severe limits on adopting more than one child, unless they are siblings and the children are usually placed in the orphanages come one at a time around the age of three. So, often siblings are placed up for adoption in different years. Logically, many people just adopt one child, then turn around and return for another child the next year. More often than not, families only plan on adopting one child, but return due to the reality of what they saw while visiting their child's birth country. Due to the financial aspects of traveling twice per adoption, doing two separate adoptions increases the cost to the point that it is not even realistic for our family. Another HUGE benefit to adopting siblings is that Ethiopia greatly discounts the second child's adoption; which is a benefit that we did not reap when we adopted from Liberia.

I have refrained from quoting actual costs in the realm of adoption, mainly because I don't want to frighten anyone. There are also things to consider, like the adoption tax credit, that greatly reduces the bottom line scary figure, BUT in my best estimation, it would be about $25,000 more to adopt two children in separate adoptions than to adopt two siblings at one time. At the level of adoptions that we are willing to do, we can not afford to do it inefficiently.

One discussion my husband and I have had is the one of being a good steward of our money and being willing to invest in the lives of orphans. While I would NEVER say that adopting is being a bad steward of any resources, I believe at this point to overpay to the point that we are limited from saving other orphans is not being a good steward of the money that is on loan to us from God. Again, I would never think or say that someone adopting one child, and paying whatever they have to, is wasteful; I just feel like God has given us a glimpse into what He has called us to do and we need to be able to stretch our resources to the level they need to go!

All that said, I've listened to agency after agency tell me that my children would have to come home at one time. Then I've talked to agencies that show me how easy it would be to bring home two from China or Uganda. A tiny piece of my heart resides in China and Uganda in spite of not really knowing if I have any future children from either place! I've looked at little Ugandan faces that desperately need families and have been incredibly swayed in my "calling" to Ethiopia.

What stops me from switching countries? Very simply, my husband, who remembers over and over the God answered miracle of selling a boat (you can read it here if you haven't). That prayer was directed specifically at adoption in Ethiopia, not just adoption in general. That same weekend, before the boat actually sold on Sunday, JD had two other Ethiopian "coincidences." I have to agree that I'm being swayed by the facts, and if I intentionally put faith before the facts, I believe our future children are in Ethiopia.

So, at the urging of JD, I'm laying aside the logic and the agency given facts and I'm waiting for my young siblings or twins to surface (and let me remind you that we also feel called to a specific special need.) I know God is able and I pray that when He matches us to our sibling group, it will testify to how big and able He is if we stand aside and allow Him to work!

And because I keep writing picture-less posts, I present Julia and Gus enjoying some quality together time.

By the way, I define coincidence as when God chooses to remain anonymous.